Down the street there is a little man-made lake that is supposed to be a lake, but it just looks like a big puddle. Sometimes there are ducks that float around in it. Usually there are just mud hens pecking around or a goose that bites if you get too close.
A few miles away from the lake is a supermarket. I love the supermarket. When we go I usually get a candy bar if I'm good. My brother never lets me go to the supermarket by myself because behind it there lies a field where all the huffers go to breathe in their stolen goods. I wouldn't go to the field. I've never stolen anything, ever.
A few miles away is my school which looks like a prison. It's a big cube in the middle of a whole lot of space, surrounded by a chain link fence. It's not a bad place to have to go everyday though. I always wanted to go to a school where all the classrooms were in the same building, in a school that had stairs, just like on T.V.
My brother always picks me up from school in his smelly, noisy truck which is embarrassing. He usually stops at the gas station a few miles from home to fill 'er up or to get some cigs or to buy a lotto ticket. He always leaves me in the car though so he doesn't have to get me a candy bar. He's not mean about it though; he always leaves the air conditioning on.
Behind the gas station there is a whole cat family. There are at least five cats in the cat family. I know because they sneak out sometimes, between the cars and cross the street to go explore around town, and I keep track of every one of them.
In town there isn't much. There are a few empty buildings. There is a bar that has no windows and a big sign that says COCKTAIL that lights up at night into a scary pink. There are always a few cars there even when the sign isn't lit up. In the middle of all of it is a huge store that has everything: clothes, snacks, T.V.s, chairs, soap. We go there a lot.
There is also a library, but I've never been into the library. It's just a clean, new building with an American flag tinking constantly against its pole.
My favorite place in town is the Sunny Diner. Sometimes my brother takes me there for breakfast. I always have pancakes with lots of syrup, eggs and bacon and orange juice and milk. The same woman always asks me the same thing, "And what would you like, sweety?" She has bright white hair and always wears dark makeup around the eyes. She has no boobs, but she lets her shirt be unbuttoned very low. She always wears big earrings.
When I eat my pancakes and my brother drinks his coffee, I always look out the window and whatch some of the cat family smoothly sneak around all the parked cars.
i'm there, i'm there, i'm there
ReplyDeletee
Anna, I love the voice in this scene. The description is powerful, and, like Elmaz, I am there. I was happy to see the cat family appear again at the end.
ReplyDeleteThe detail is really great. From the school to the diner, I can see this town. The brother is my favorite of all. In so few words you seem to encapsulate the relationship of these two nicely. I want to see what develops from this piece. Onward!!
--Kiala
Wow. I love the small bit of description you give on the house, though you start off as stating you wont speak of it. The small details are amazing and the attention you pay to the sensory objects and details are even better (aromas). I like that you talk not only of things directly related to the character, but even of what the character notices that have nothing to do with her (the cat family).Biting geese had me smiling very hard. A friend of mine from Mills had just informed me today of a road up in the hills where wild turkeys run out and bite at the tires of passing cars. I found your bit on the birds just as interesting.
ReplyDelete"I won't tell you about the house because it's a mess" and then you tell us about the house and its mess. I like that. Also, great descriptions. I can see it, feel the town.
ReplyDeleteAgree with everyone! I am so there. Couldn't be more there. And opening with "I won't tell you about the house" and then describing the inside...classic. Awesome. Super cool.
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