I don't know if we have an assignment for a blog or not . But I wanted to talk about writing tonight in class. It seems to work for me. I was thinking that it was the first time I had written in a large group or in class some real shit. But, I lie to myself or get mixed up all the time. Because the piece "Broken" I read in our class, I started in class with 60 other students around. I was scared and I started writing before I got in class tonight, but I started with this skeletal idea and then wrote and came back and wrote and came back to flesh out each little thing that I put in there.
I think unconsciously I kept asking my self why did I put that in there? and then I go back and write the why. but I have to keep going back to the why because it gets bigger and bigger For example I was writing just describing what I looked like at this particular moment in my life At the time of the story I weighed close to 110 which on me looks like I am dying. But to I could write the description of how thin I was and with out the why it is hallow. Because the why; takes me to a moment, that lead to another moment, and so on until all of these moments, create my experience, that creates the me, that creates story. And it doesn't feel like a choice right now. I feel like if I don't finally get my story on paper and make it make sense and be useful I won't be able to breathe. And its a story I don't really want to tell not if I have to share the why. Because to share it I have to look at it and I don't really want to look at it. But its bubbling up to the surface and on to the page whether I want it or not. For me it just happens to be non-fiction. But I think the same thing can happen for fiction writers where a character keeps rearing its ugly head and to be true, to really reveal that character you have to go place inside yourself that you would really rather not go. And I think when my writing really sucks or when I have total writers block or lack of creativity it is just because I have consciously or unconsciously said to that character or my self," No! You don't get to tell that story because it is too painful, uncomfortable, shameful, or just embarrassing." Elmaz said to me once about a piece, " Where did you go? Why did the girl get on the bus?" and I ask my self that now when I write its my metaphor for the why.
Suki
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When you wrote, "Because the why; takes me to a moment, that lead to another moment, and so on until all of these moments, create my experience, that creates the me, that creates story. "
ReplyDeleteIt reminded me of this:
"It's like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way. " E.L. Doctorow
Here's a better version of that quote.
ReplyDeleteWriting is like driving at night in the fog. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.
EL Doctorow
Great follow up from Gigi. writing from the heart of the story and you doesn't need much, just willingness to stay on the road
ReplyDeletee
I love that image! yes, just stay on the road.
ReplyDeleteIf your story is bubbling onto the page, then you should let it bubble. It can be daunting to have to explain the "why" every time you put something on the page...I know how that goes. I think you are a fabulous writer, Suki, but your story is dying to be heard, and you are the only one who can tell it correctly!
ReplyDeleteKeep up the good work, stay fabulous, and let yourself go. Write, write, write until you say what you want to say.
wow...your metaphor for the why. This is a powerful blog.
ReplyDeleteThat statement seems almost like an oxymoron: powerful and blog. Never thought I'd say those two words together.