a little mid-day freak out

Two weeks ago, my cluster teacher Michelle said something offhand about a future class in which we'd talk about the difference between editing and revision. My reaction? At least internally: panic. Editing and revision terrify me. There's a difference?? Likely. But what is that difference, exactly? And then how and when and why do I do both those things?

To be completely honest, my most common writing/editing/(revision?) process goes like this:

1. Write, write

2. Whoops! I don't know what I'm doing—plot it out (or outline if I'm working on literature analysis)

3. Write, write, write, write, with the plotting or outline in mind

4. Read it and check it for spelling errors, great leaps in logic, and awkward sentences. I can fairly quickly be satisfied that each paragraph reads smoothly (and maybe a little beautifully) by itself. I have a much more difficult time being sure if a whole page, chapter, essay, story, anything, flows appropriately—or, better, flows the best it can.

5. But it's due tomorrow and it's 2 or 3 a.m., so I print it and go to bed.

6. I'm an intelligent girl and a competent writer, so my teacher usually gives me an A.

But now I'm quickly coming into the real world in which class-inflicted deadlines force me to “finish” something and teacher satisfaction is the only goal. This class is different—my goal for my thesis is to have a second draft of my novel finished. “Second” draft implies I'm editing or revising, doesn't it? I am, I believe that, but after reassessing the first draft, I'm changing so much in the second that it feels like the write, write, write part all over again. I'm pulling apart the first draft for the best ideas and pieces of language, but am I just creating another first draft with them and so much other, new stuff?

Some writers say they do four or five drafts minimum; do they mean entirely new drafts like this one, or are they doing much more delicate work? Some guides say to take out everything that doesn't move the story along—is that giving too much importance to plot? Many great writers clearly do not follow that rule. Faulkner famously said that writers should “kill their little darlings”—but is something ever just good? I don't know.

I feel like a good writer when I'm writing, and a terrible one when I'm editing. Is this natural or a bad sign I don't have what it takes? In the end, it doesn't matter. I couldn't stop writing if I wanted to and, hopefully this thesis class will prove, I can edit and revise for until it's worth reading.