It's all about the feedback (or not)

Okay class, today we are discussing critiques - what makes a good critique, and how do we want our own work to be critiqued when that time inevitably comes? (Dun dun dun!) One of the biggest pitfalls I experience as a writer, especially in the workshop setting, is that I write with the critique in mind; that is to say, I focus much to heavily on what I think my readers will want to read, thus forgetting that the whole point of writing (or at least, the more important point) is that it is meant to be a form of self expression, and NOT a form of people-pleasing! ...which, for someone like me who is a chronic people-pleaser, can be a difficult concept to grasp!!!

Okay, back to the point of this blog post. Consider the following passage from last week's assigned reading selection, Reasons for and Advantages of Breathing:

"Most nights, I don't sleep. Instead I lie in bed and page through my list of dread and regret, starting with my childhood and ending with the polar ice caps. Everything in between I file into something like schoolroom cubbies, marked with labels like Disaster and Desire. When my husband left, he told me he hadn't been happy in years. Happy? I thought. We're supposed to be happy? I was under the impression that no one was truly happy, given the raw materials we have to work with in this life. Since he's been gone, I keep the lamp on all night. I'd rather lie awake in the light and keep an eye on his absence than reach out in the dark, thinking he's there. The fact that I may do this for the rest of my life is unclassifiable, too much to bear. When the list comes to this I get up and sit at the kitchen table and watch the snow, the snow which seems always to be falling."

It's hard to say exactly what I would want people to say to this if it was my work, because I can't find anything to critique (which is probably why it won a pushcart prize). But I will make a few positive comments, ones that I would appreciate hearing had I written the piece:

1.) The use of relatively short, simple sentences and minimal punctuation is quite effective, as it allows the reader to focus primarily on the content of the piece without getting distracted by complicated grammatical structures.

2.) I appreciate the use of the filing metaphor, as if one actually could file their thoughts into schoolroom cubbies - it would make life a lot simpler, and would result in far fewer instances of feeling like one's brain might explode. Would help with time management as well. Point being that I think what the writer does here is express a common human desire, the desire to disentangle webs of confusing thoughts and emotions - in an unconventional, yet indentifiable and reasonable way.

3.) The part of this piece that I find to have the strongest impact is this: "Since he's been gone, I keep the lamp on all night. I'd rather lie awake in the light and keep an eye on his absence than reach out in the dark, thinking he's there." It conveys emotion and longing, and is the true, honest face of human nature, whether we realize it or not.

Aaagh, I can't do this anymore. I'm just not feeling it. I realize as I look back over the comments I just made, that they reflect my tendency to soak up positive feedback like a sponge. I think that's my problem. I want to boost my confidence in my own writing so much that I long to hear people say good things about it. I think that's reflected back in my own habit of critiquing a piece by going, "I like this, I like that, blah, blah, blah," and not going very deep, gettig very analytical or thinking very hard about ways to make a piece better. That's when I have to stop and remind myself that the purpose of a critique is not just to rattle off a list of the things you like about someone's work, because while getting positive feedback is fun, it does not make a productive critique all on its own. There's a reason it's called "critique," and not "happy joy-joy love fest."

So, that said, I think it's time I go finish some Econ homework and then...try to convince myself not be afraid to dive in and write! I keep wanting to write, but I'm always afraid to get started, afraid I won't like what comes out, afraid it won't be good enough when that mystical critique rolls around. Of course, I'd probably just get to the critique and have Elmaz whack me over the head with my own writing, telling me it's not that bad and I need to stop whining, stop apologizing for it.

And she'd be right.